Boundless Limitations

Sunrise at the docks where I've practiced yoga--the snow has melted now, and soon I'll get back to what I love.

So it's time to make dinner, and you head to the kitchen to begin your preparations.  The options are few, because you haven't been to the grocery store in awhile.  The fridge is quite bare, and the cupboards are getting there.  Do you just order pizza? 

We have a new baby at our house, so for the first week, we had some meals brought in by our generous neighbors, friends, and family.  I was so grateful for their help.  It felt daunting to try and cook anything, let alone make it to the grocery store.  I finally gave in and actually sent a close friend to pick up some groceries for me--(which I have to confess I rarely even send Connor to the store for anything, because I have a control issue in this area.)  

So, lately I've had to get creative in the kitchen.  It's almost like a game for me--new combinations come up, and possibilities are actually ignited by having to make something from what feels like nothing.  I read an article in a cooking magazine once where a chef was saying that some of his best ideas come to him for new meals when he has run out of his usual supply of goods.  He said hew grew up in a home where they didn't have a lot of money to spend on food, so often they would have to think of ways to manipulate the menu.  I never forgot that.  Sadly, I did forget this Chef's name though--sorry.  

When I first started developing my own recipes, it was because I had restrictions.  I was very sick, and I was trying to figure out what it was I needed to eliminate from my diet.  It was a long process that tested my patience every day, but then I would discover foods that liked me as much as I liked them.  I was using substitutes for ingredients all the time, and gradually gathered a list of foods that were safe for me to eat.  I know there are plenty of people out there who have food allergies and intolerance, or who just want to start making a positive change in what they consume on a regular basis.  Sometimes, putting these kinds of limitations on ourselves can get really dull; really monotonous.  I have much I could say about this subject of overcoming food sensitivities, but I'll have to save that for another post.  My point is, that is doesn't have to be boring!

My boys love to hear stories about themselves.  One of Liam's favorites is when we went to the carnival as a family one night.  He was running to catch up with us, and tripped over a big cord that ran along the pavement.  He fell flat forwards, but then got up, turned around, and gave that cord a determined look with his hands on his hips.  He didn't say a word, but walked firmly back over the cord and jumped over it as if to say, "I'll show you!"  He smiled and went on his way.  I was so proud of his ability to get up and try again.  Liam is an example of resilience in my life, and I can't say that I'm the one who taught it to him.

Baby Owen is now a month old, and I can hardly believe it.  I've spent a lot of time in bed, in dim light, indoors, out of the cold.  I thought this all sounded cozy to have a winter baby, but I've struggled a lot with postpartum depression.  It's a reality that always surfaces for me after births, but not just then.  Unfortunately, that little dark cloud looms over me all too often.  Naturally, I think I inherited some gloomy genes.  Most days are good.  It helps to know the real me is not that way at all, and if I keep getting up, and doing the things know make it go away, it always does.  I haven't been able to exercise very much for over a month.  Each time I try and progress in my personal yoga practice a little more, being diligent and patient.  A few floor stretches evolves back to a strong vinyasa flow eventually if I don't give up, and just be consistent.  (I can't wait to start back into a real yoga practice again!)

What inspired me to write about this today was realizing how often I use words to express feeling held back:  Stifled, frustrated, trapped, put out, tired, sapped, and so forth.   The whole reason I ever even started writing this blog was to help people overcome mental barriers that get in the way of healthier happier lives.  I guess the reason I think about this topic so much, is because I have to practice it every day.  Moving through life like we are treading water is a lot of resistance, and it can get exhausting.  Maybe people who suffer from mental illness lose interest in the things they love most because they've forgotten how to be creative even when the resources are scarce.  However, I have a new mantra that is already taking effect: 

"I now go beyond others fears and limitations.  I create my life." --Louisa Hayes Affirmations